Internet Jesus. (Hint: He wears glasses)

January 28, 2010 at 2:49 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )

I get all of my up to date info from Facebook. Maybe it’s sad that I use a social media tool that promotes a fake Farm game and suggests dead people to be my friends as my source of news in the morning, but it’s 2010. The world has changed. Get with it or get…er…without it?

Whatever.

Yesterday the internet was a buzz with Steve Jobs newest invention the iPad. Only 400 people, immediately, put up status updates on it. When Steve Jobs makes an appearance the Internet explodes. Let’s be serious, Steve Jobs is the Pope of the internet. Let’s just wheel him out in a plexiglass Atlasphere and call it a day. They released the iPad and told us it will REVOLUTIONIZE the world. I, for one, am glad that this is the 1st time Apple will revolutionize something. People usually don’t use hyperbole when describing something put out by Apple. They are laid back and….

How the iPod Revolutionized the Music Industry

Oh. But that was just one…

How iPhone 3.0 May Revolutionize The Smartphone Industry

To be fair, the iPhone and iTunes were pretty awesome, so I can handle only talking about those….

iMovie is quickly revolutionizing the way people tell stories.

iMovie too? Ok, I can see that, but that’s pretty much it for Apple, that’s all their products. Nothing else could….

Can Apple Revolutionize The TV Biz?

TV? That’s it, that’s everything: movies, music, TV. Looks like Apple has gotten everyone. So they found their niche and we have media in our hands. Apple looks to be done with…

Will Apple revolutionize mobile advertising?

WAR WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR??!?!

Wait.

Wrong outrage phrase.

SWEET FRIGHTENING MONKEY DUNG!!!!

Apple is now revolutionizing or has revolutionized tv, movie, music, and the source of the money, advertising. Steve Jobs, you are a good man. You have taken all forms of Entertainment and made them your own. How about you now….

iGalaxy is Apple’s first Galaxy on the move. It will revolutionize the particles that make you exist and create your own black hole for the time space continuum.

I made that one up.

Would anything shock you at this point? People, as a whole, overreact to technology. When something shiny and new comes out it is either the greatest thing ever (iPod, Kindle) or the worst invention put out by mankind (anything released by Dell). Two months, later all technology is outdated and at a 75 percent discount at Smart and Final. Somehow Steve Jobs and Apple have made their own personal world where everything is awesome. It doesn’t matter what they do now. They could put Jesus on a stick, have a claymation attached of a bird defecating on his robe, stick some speakers on it, market it as the iHim (the first All Knowing speaker!) and watch the minions go nuts and sell out of the Lord Steve Jobs posters at Target.

I have 6.

The infatuation with the Apple brand is amazing to me. When the iPhone price was slashed in half people went crazy because they can’t believe they paid full price. Guess what? PRICES GO DOWN. WELCOME TO A FREE MARKET SOCIETY. All common sense and reason go out the window. How could Apple do that to us? Cut prices? In America? In a capitalist society with a democracy and no queen? This is blasphemous! This is the Apple revolution. WE DOTH BUT MEN!

If you’ve seen the new iPad, it doesn’t fit in your pocket. Unless you’re wearing MC hammer pants or Zubaz. Unfortunately for me, I only wear those on Saturdays. So the other 6 days I have to put the iPad on a chain and attach it to my pocket with my henna tattoo art and lip ring to accessorize the outfit. Needless to say, it’s awkward. Now that I said something bad about it I expect the fire of a thousand burning suns to come drop on my head by Apple nation.

Wear suncreen.

Then go revolutionize something.

Just tell them Apple sent you.

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11 Comments

  1. Narm said,

    The worst part is the necessity for everyone to make a joke about the name iPad. I demand all future products are joke proof.

    Maybe there’s an app for that.

  2. Jordan said,

    If I hear one more ipad joke…

  3. Jay said,

    Personally I hope they take a stab at revolutionizing toilet paper next. I mean, I’m able to frag some 15-year-old Korean boy while taking a dump, but when I’m done I still have to clean my business with dead trees? Come the fuck on, Jobs.

  4. Marie said,

    Next up, the iHouse – pack up your house and take it along with you in your pocket.

    I’m sure there’s already an app for that actually.

  5. douchegirl said,

    Not to be a groupie or anything but I MISSED YOU!

    And even though I’m one of those people who thinks the Iphone revolutionized the world, I am not down with the Ipad.

    Pretty much useless if you have a smartphone and a laptop.

  6. lbluca77 said,

    I am one of those people that made a stupid IPad joke. The sad thing is, I still don’t even know what a stupid IPad is.

  7. LiLu said,

    My favorite thing about the iPad was that on the day it was released, “iTampon” was a trending topic on Twitter, but “iPad” wasn’t.

    Le awesome.

  8. Cheryl said,

    I can’t even say the word iPad without laughing.

    That might be because I’m 2 years old though.

  9. stealthnerd said,

    Duuuuuude, I had no idea you moved. Don’t worry, my reader has been properly updated.

  10. shine said,

    Not to mention that the hard drive is too small to even be useful.

    I’m adding that to “They named it iPad?”

    By the way, all you people who rushed out and bought one? You’re stupid. That is all.

  11. amindinmotown said,

    I don’t get the Apple craze. I really don’t. Sure, I have an iPod, and that’s where it stops…

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