Nothing To Be Ashamed Of. If you’re 17.

March 4, 2010 at 2:27 pm (Uncategorized) (, )

I have a confession. I watch the Real World. No, you don’t understand. I WATCH The Real World. The one on MTV. I will be 30 this year. I’m not sure this is something to admit, but I just admitted it. Take that liars! Anyways, I’ve seen every season of The Real World. It is a pathetic admission, but one that needs to be told especially when you’re on a date and you compare a situation to Joe’s tall girlfriend from Miami and how it must have been weird, looking up the whole time and how when you’re in an awkward spot you think of how Joe must have felt every time he went out and was getting judging stares from people even though love doesn’t distinguish between height.

I’ve said too much.

Well, this season is the 23rd installment of The Real World. That’s right. It’s still on. If you thought it ended 10 years ago, you lose! This time they’re tackling DC. By tackling, I mean drunkenly hooking up, yelling at each other, wearing Panda hats, making fun of everyone’s sexuality, pushing each other off of ledges, and singing badly in bands. Obama must be proud.

YES WE CAN!

To commemorate this notable achievement of the human race embarrassing themselves in the nation’s capital, I’m going to rank the 23 Real Worlds in order from my least favorite to my most favorite. Why? Because that’s how rankings work. Get a clue. You don’t just create a list with no order to it. What is this? The Zhou Dynasty? Have we learned nothing? I’m going to break this ranking into parts, here are the bottom 13. Let’s get this started (sorry for the Black Eyed Peas reference. Totally unintentional. I gotta feeling imma be looking at my humps.)

23. Brooklyn

The worst Real World season and there should be no debate. What was memorable about this season? Nothing. Chet wears bowties! They play pranks! They put the world’s most boring transgender person on there. Do I know any other transgenders? No. But I feel comfortable in that statement. No Sleep til Brooklyn comes on the air. I made that up myself.

22. London

First Real World in a foreign land! First Real World to suck. There was one and only one thing that kept this out of the bottom spot. Neil responding to someone making fun of him by french kissing him. That’s right. When someone makes fun of you stick your tongue down their throat. Male or female. The only problem? He got part of his tongue bitten off. You win some, you lose some..tongue.Hollywood

21. Hollywood

So much promise. So poor execution. For some reason there’s only one bar in Hollywood. For another reason they are living in a “house” designed by Mike Brady. All we needed was Marcia getting hit in the nose with a football and Peter being annoying. Salvaged somewhat by Joeys alcoholic rampages and Incredible Hulk appearance. Minus 106 for the crying though.

20. Philadelphia

I actually had to go back and remember if any girls were on this season. MTV with a first here, two gay guys on one show! Also Willie was on Ghostwriter. Not even The Situation could have saved this debacle. The moral of this story? Never go to Philly. (I kid. Maybe).

19. Cancun

Another amazing spot for The Real World. Another Dud. Let’s see, we’ll film a reality show with 20 somethings at one of the most popular Spring Break spots in the world. Then we’ll make them work during it! Brilliance! The girls stealing men from each other, going to try out to be an NFL punter and Bronne’s generally hilarity helped this somewhat.

18. Back to NY

That’s right. New York has had 3 of these and two of them were terrible. They go back to NY and nothing happens. A girl throws herself at a guy. Nothing happens. One mixed race person dates only black people, one mixed race person only dates white people. Our saving grace? The Miz. When someone comes onto The Real World and says they’re going to be a professional wrestler, DAMMIT, they are going to be a wrestler! A clutch showing by The Miz to single-handedly carry this season. The only match was Richard Dean Anderson on McGyver’s performance to keep that show afloat.

17. Key West

Drunk fights, the world sees Johnny Bananas in action, crazy girls with emotional problems crying all the time, Some cast members never seen before or since or during the filming and a hurricane sending everyone running for a door frame. Ah, the intelligence of America. It was all on display here. We even had a good ole’ anorexia issue. The Real World, where disorders live and breathe.

16. San Diego

See Key West except instead of Johnny Bananas put in Robin and instead of hurricane put beach police.

15. Austin

Came out of the box running. From the cops. Danny getting punched in the face is probably the best premier of any Real World season. Unfortunately this season turned into a pile of love and mush. Danny and Melinda, Wes and Johanna and then the others. Love on The Real World? I’d rather watch 38 straight episodes of iCarly. Oh wait, I did. Let’s not speak of this again.

14. Paris

Oh CT and Adam. It’s carried over into the challenges. The Masshole being of CT reigns supreme. Combine that with Mallory turning into a swimsuit model and the coolness of Ace and you have a season that wasn’t that bad. Oh, it was bad, but how can anything in France be bad? Except deodorant. Too easy. I apologize.

13. DC

This was primed to be in the bottom 5, but when you have one roommate pushing another off of a ledge and almost killing him it gets the requisite bump. One of the main reasons to love this season is how bad the two singers are and the girl thinking she is better than the guy. As Simon would say, “Bollocks and Poppycock!” Does he talk like that? I don’t know. Angry drunk black guy + quirky horny roommate +bisexual + girl who yells at everyone = Mesmerizing.

12. Chicago

Closes in on the top 10, but not quite enough. They went with the tried and true Real World formula of gay man, closeted homophobe black guy, lesbian woman, good-looking straight guy, reserved cute girl and sleeping around loudmouth and it still was missing something.

11. Sydney

I really wanted to put this in the top 10 for Isaac alone. Maybe one of the top 3 Real World personalities of all time. Any time you swim naked in an aquarium you’re a-ok in my book. The aggressive Dunbar made this season a near classic. Blowing up at girls. Cheating on his girlfriend and then yelling at everyone about it. Combine that with an old-fashioned girl slap and kicked out of the house and Australia did it right. More Kangaroos needed.

Tomorrow- Top 10.

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17 Comments

  1. Matt said,

    not that I’d judge you… but if san fran isnt #1, I’d question your fandom.

  2. Christina said,

    This is the saddest hilarious post ever. I can’t believe you’ve watch 23 seasons of the Real World. But also, I can believe it.

    • Rahul said,

      I’m a paradox of a maze or something. Not good at the English.

  3. lbluca77 said,

    The other day I was bored and I was googling all the Real World seasons. Well all the seasons up to Hawaii becasue I think that is the last season I watched. But I met Ruthie in person once.

    The only MTV show I watch now is 16 and pregnant. Its so educational.

    • Rahul said,

      I feel bad for the girls that are 15 and pregnant. No respect.

  4. chelsea said,

    And here I was ashamed because I watched three episodes of Real World Austin. I must applaud you for being able to watch all of them let alone a couple hours worth.

  5. katelin said,

    san diego was one of the only seasons i watched it (besides paris and vegas) and i swear it was the reject season and it was hilarious, oh man maybe i should start watching again.

    • Rahul said,

      You really shouldn’t. Your maturity level will sink lower than Trishelle’s

  6. chele said,

    its ok, I watched like every season of the bachelor

  7. Crystal said,

    Favorite Real World quotes:

    “I’m going to kick your ass so hard!”

    “NOW IT’S A NECK-LACE!”

    Also Brad and Ran dressing up like super mario brothers and jumping with their huge fist in the air to gather coins. HOT.

    I also watched from the very beginning. I have to say Eric is still in my top ten to screw before I die.

    • Rahul said,

      What if he’s like 72? Who are we kidding. He’s living to a 100.

  8. amindinmotown said,

    You’re gonna be 30????? Damn. We can’t be friends anymore.

    Lol. Kidding. Or am I?

    So I’ve watched all of these seasons, even if not all in their entirety (some just sucked too bad or conflicted with real actual life happening outside of TV). And I mostly agree, though I’d rank Back to NY a bit higher. I mean, THE MIZ!? Come on.

    Can’t wait to see the top 10. Glad to see New Orleans made it. That one is def one of my faves. Though the original New York was boring, so I can’t imagine what explanation you have for putting it in the top 10…

    • Rahul said,

      The Miz was great, but the rest of that season sucked. A lot.

  9. shine said,

    God, I love the Miz.

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