An Entire Nation Ruined in 4 minutes

March 16, 2010 at 12:36 pm (Uncategorized) (, , )

I like a good sketch comedy. It’s the reason I record Saturday night Live every week and then watch it the next day fast forwarding through Seth Meyers’ painfully unfunny Weekend Update and any thing that involves Abby Elliot. I would say, on average, I laugh about 3 and a half times an episode. I laugh 3 times at anything Kenan Thompson does and half a laugh for everyone else.

Minorities!

So imagine my pleasant surprise when at the end of this week’s SNL that they decided to tackle the race of your author. The Human Race. Hey-Oh! Seriously though, the final sketch this week was a talk show with Ravish. Ravish being a 14-year-old Indian genius who runs a talk show because his father recognized that David Letterman makes more money than doctors. It was a brilliant concept. Anything with an Indian accent in entertainment form is hilarious! Apu from The Simpsons. The dancing dad from this Sum 41 video. My dad on home movies. Combine that with Indians taking over the movie business (SlumDog Millionaire), music (Jay Sean),TV (Aziz Ansari), health (Dr. Sanjay Gupta) and spiritual enlightening (Gandhi) there was absolutely no chance this could not work.

Oh no.

This is like messing up ice cream. Ice Cream is so delicious, but when you change the formula and add a bunch of salt, circus peanuts and a drop of vampire blood in it, well it doesn’t taste that good anymore and now you’re eating people. It’s a disaster. As I said yesterday on the Book of Face, I am offended by that clip. Offended that it wasn’t funny at all. How is this possible? How could Indian people on TV fail? HOW?!?!

As my dad says “A bird in the hand, is worth two more birds.” Where were the other birds? (sidebar: My dad routinely messes up American proverbs. Suck it, Bill Cosby. Why Bill Cosby? I don’t know. Seems like someone who would mess up a proverb. THEEEEEOOOOOOOOO). Let’s see where SNL went wrong here.

1. Awful Indian accents. It’s impossible to do a sketch on Indian people and do an accent like that. Have these people not been to one 7-11? Shell Station? Canal Street in New York? America is teaming with Indian accents. The best one is probably done by a white guy (Hank Azaria) and the worst one is done by me. Ask me to do an Indian accent. It’ll sound like somebody named Leon from the Bronx that’s hawking black market watches. “Whatchu want, a Rolex? PAH-tick FillUp. I got you!”

2. Bad material. They should have just played the spelling bee angle here. When you have 40 kids left in the Spelling Bee and 35 are named Rajesh and Amit, well that is Indian gold. No Indian kid has any idea who Jude Law is. In fact they probably think it’s something Indira Gandhi put into effect in 1971 in India to keep monkeys outside of the Parliament. Let’s get with it.

3. Plurals. That’s right. Any time a person learns English or it’s their second language pluralizing words is the hardest. My mom still says feets. Or foots. Where were the mices? You cannot forget these finer points. Who consulted on this sketch? I’m just imagining them running to Jude Law and asking him how to be more Indian because he just came back from the Bombay Express all you can eat Lunch Buffet on 9th Avenue. THEY HAVE NAAN!

4. No mention of Ganesh. You have to go Ganesh here. Ganesh is funny to say. He has an elephant trunk. One time my mom gave me a mini porcelain figure of Ganesh that had velcro on the bottom and stuck it to my dashboard. My friend got in my car and ripped it off. I said “How dare you do that to Ganesh?!?!” What followed was riotous laughter and a multi car pileup on the 405. This will work. Ganesh equals comedy and a faulty insurance claim.

All in all, I’m disappointed Saturday Night Live ruined out streak of success in the entertainment world. We were on an epic run. I like to compare us to Justin Timberlake in the early 2000s. He was the hip new thing. Everything he did was gold. Platinum albums, hot girlfriends, funny SNL hosting appearances and then he did Alpha Dog. The Ravish Talk Show is our Alpha Dog. We were so hot, unstoppable and then we parodied ourselves like a bunch of meth addicts kidnapping a kid for no reason and yelling at everyone.

Oh. spoiler.

Thanks Saturday Night Live. Thanks a lot. Our perfection is ruined. There’s only one way to get this back.

Slumdog Billionaire : Still Slumming.

Out next summer.

Let’s make it happen.

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9 Comments

  1. Scott said,

    Awesome, and can’t wait for that sequel.

  2. moooooog35 said,

    Ganesh has an elephant trunk?

    I’m seriously taking back that chocolate cake I bought.

    Nevermind. I’m thinking about ganash.

    Ganash: Best deity ever?

    Discuss.

  3. shine said,

    It’s because they didn’t consult Kal Penn. Obviously.

  4. lbluca77 said,

    I still have not seen Slumdog Millionaire.

    In 3rd grade I did a school play and in it I had to dance with an Indian kid. Looking back I think that could have been the foreshadowing of us becoming friends.

    I’m gonna go look up that Indian kid on facebook now.

  5. heatheradair said,

    Dude.

    Couldn’t agree more – it was actually a pretty decent episode (loved that “underground rock tour” bit….Pitchforks!) – but I kept WAITING for the Ravish schtick to get funny. It didn’t get funny. It lasted about 3 minutes too long and I just kept wanting Jude Law to put his shoes back on. Big time fail. Huge.

    Also: ditto your thoughts on Abby Elliot. She’s a moron.

  6. allypanic said,

    Clearly the SNL guys need to spend some more time in Edison New Jersey

  7. Chele said,

    Dammit. .. And I like circus peanuts on my ice cream

  8. Ask Alice said,

    I didn’t see it and because I don’t live in the great States that are United I can’t even watch the video.

    I didn’t want to see the dumb video anyway

  9. six_years_and_counting said,

    i enjoyed this.

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