FAME! I’m Gonna Live For…ah Forget It. Let’s Not Lie.

April 13, 2010 at 11:56 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

Everyone wants to be famous. It may be for 5 minutes, 15 minutes, a week, a year or some other time frame, but people like being recognized. I know I do. Not that’s it happened yet, but one time this girl in Toronto was convinced that I was in her bar the week before and after vehemently denying it for 10 minutes, I just falsely admitted I was there. It made for an awkward conversation about Molson beer and stealing other people’s girlfriends.

My name was Lord Krishna.

For a fleeting moment it felt good to be recognized. Granted, I wasn’t recognized as myself, but instead mistaken for someone who had been snooping around his girlfriend in Ajax, Ontario, but I’ll take what I can get. It was all very mysterious. I was being mistaken for a person that I didn’t know, had never seen, and the only thing we had in common was the color of our skin. It didn’t help I was wearing a fake moustache and Jordache jorts, but when you’re incognito, you are incognito.

Jorts are back.

In college I achieved the smallest level of fame ever as an intramural referee. Basically, I officiated every sport offered in the intramural program and to meet the copious amount of women that are attracted to men that like to govern sports that have no bearing on anyone’s lives. That number of women rhymes with “Deniro”. But since I was always at the gym and most guys played intramural sports, I was recognized out and about as the “intramural ref”.

Line up ladies!

As awkward as it was to be recognized for a job, it was even weirder when people would buy me drinks at the bar and talk to me about certain games. Yes, they were all men. WHO LOVES ME?!?! I do have to admit though, that it was nice to be “known.” It gives you this clarity of “man, I must be doing something right” followed by the immediacy of someone yelling at you “You sucked last night!”

Note: Throwing Keystone lights is not a classy maneuver

Living in LA, you’ll always run into a famous person here, a known celebrity there and ZOMG!!! IS THAT TRISHELLE?!?! at the diviest karaoke bar in town. It happens. What I won’t understand is why these people don’t embrace their celebrity. Sure it may get annoying at first, but if I was famous I would be high fiving the crap out of people. Especially if I was on “City Guys” and sitting at a diner and this lovely person with brown skin sat down next to me and instead of saying anything starting singing the City Guys theme song. I wouldn’t get up and leave. No way, I would sit down, buy that young gentleman a drink and double high five him.

I’m looking at you Alberto.

I’ll make this promise. One day I will write that screenplay about the girl who gets pregnant in high school and has to decide what to do with the baby and chooses to go to adoption because her boyfriend is awkward and find out the couple she chose is a broken family. I already have a title for that movie. I shall call it “Hugo.” Then I will sell it and be famous. I won’t forget about anyone. I’ll be friendly in person and I may even contribute to your charity as long as it doesn’t involve bees and/or saving anything like “Public Education”.

You have to make the tough decisions.

Then if I see you in public, I won’t walk by. You’ll say “Hey!”, I’ll say “Hey!”. You’ll say “I saw you on TV wearing that awful pinstriped suit that you’ve owned since the 8th grade.” I’ll say “It’s form-fitting!”. Then we will high five and continue on our day.

Don’t ask for an autograph, though.

I have places to be.

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5 Comments

  1. Jordan said,

    What needs to be addressed here is that you actually recognized someone from City High.

  2. Jordan said,

    Oh. City GUYS. Well, it still applies. That rhymed!!! I’ll go now.

  3. Martini said,

    Are you sure you don’t want to replace high-fives with chest bumps? I’m trying to bring those back as an acceptable and not at all drunk way of saying “Hello friend!”

  4. Cheddar said,

    You live in LA, just start high fiving (or possibly chest bumping) people. Everyone will think you’re famous. And if they ask who you are, tell them you were the brown guy in that one movie. Or that you invented post it notes.

  5. LiLu said,

    “Throwing Keystone lights is not a classy maneuver”

    MY WHOLE LIFE IS A SHAM.

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