London Bawling (See What I Did There?)

April 15, 2010 at 11:38 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

“I want to move to London!” That is a phrase I’ve heard uttered numerous amounts of times by friends and acquaintances that have visited “The Big Smoke”. (Yes, I did look that up on Wikipedia. I didn’t want to bastardize it with an American nickname such as L-Town or Lon-Don-Duck. Might as well as use the 5th greatest invention of the 21st century to help me out. The other 4? We’ll discuss that at a later time. It’s called a tease. Take that women!) People tend to go to England and especially London and fall in love with the charm of the city (Except Third Eye Blind). The accent, I feel, being the biggest draw of the town as evidenced by people still watching Hugh Grant movies.

More like Nonsense and Insensible!

Who’s with me?!?!

Moving on.

My first time in London, I was 8 years old and running around Heathrow airport waiting for our connection on a flight to India. There are only two things I remember about London on that trip. The first is that I was infatuated with double-decker buses. “So, you’re telling me there are two levels to a bus? Like one on top of the other?!?! WHERE IS THIS SUPERBUS?!?!” I annoyed my mother so much about it that she bought me a replica one from the gift shop which I then proceeded to crash into other people’s luggage and pretended it could fly. In fact, at 29, I’m pretty sure double-decker buses can fly as I have not seen anyone dispute that claim. FLY TO FREEDOM!

The second thing I remember is Toblerone. My grandfather bought me some Toblerone and I proceeded to eat so much of it that it made me sick, but not sick enough to ask for more. Hey, when you’re 8 years old and someone buys you chocolate in the shape of a triangle you eat that thing like it’s going out of style. Note to all chocolate factories: build chocolate in geometric shapes, you will have my attention. I cannot think of anything that will be more delicious than a Reese’s Pieces Octagon bar. 8 sided chocolate peanut butter goodness in my face.

Copyright alert.

Since my grandfather worked for British Airways and traveled he would always bring back a bar of Toblerone since I “loved” it so much. At first, I ate it. Then as I got older I realized, I couldn’t eat it anymore. But I also couldn’t tell my grandfather to NOT bring it because then it would be weird and I would be that ungrateful brat that was turning down chocolate and making old people sad. “ANOTHER TOBLERONE?!!? I wanted Super Mario Bros 47: Luigi and Toadstool go to White Castle!”

Luigi liked that sticky icky, if you know what I mean.

Look it up on urban dictionary.

Without fail ,after every trip my grandfather would present me with toblerone, I would smile, put it in my pocket and run upstairs and throw it into my drawer. There was one slight problem with this. I always piled things onto the chocolate and then wouldn’t realize there was chocolate in that drawer until the next time he brought me some. Let’s just say, that you haven’t lived until you have a chocolate river of dreams oozing through your file cabinets and destroying your Slinky. Not only did I not like Toblerone, I had ruined my prize possessions of my youth. My 1993 team baseball card set of the New York Mets, which if I still had would be worth dollars, was ruined! Dollars I tell you! Nevermind that the Mets of 1993 went a robust 59-103 and finished dead last in Major League Baseball. That was a TEAM of millionaire losers and now their memories were flushed away thanks to a Swiss chocolate bar made in a United Kingdom factory.

Screw you imports!

My grandfather stopped bringing me Toblerone when I got older so I didn’t have that much of an issue with it anymore, but once in a while someone will bring it up and I will cringe. It’s one of those things that give me bad memories, but good ones at the same time. But still mostly bad ones. It is the kryptonite to my Superman, the hamburger to my J Wellington Wimpy, the Kanye West to my Taylor Swi…

This got weird.

Maybe Love Actually is on.

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17 Comments

  1. Cheddar said,

    Reese’s Pieces Ocatagon bar? You had me at eight-sided. Romantic comedy here I come!

    • Rahul said,

      A romantic comedy about shapes would be great.

      In my mind

  2. Matt said,

    so thats why luigi was green.

    gotcha.

  3. Ask Alice said,

    I like Toblerone. There, I said it.

    Now please send me your loot

    • Rahul said,

      This is typical Canadian propaganda. In other news, take me with you to freedom.

  4. makeoutmonster said,

    toblerone is so good! what a waste.

    thanks for the comment – i’m glad you enjoy reading about my shenanigans 🙂

    p.s. love actually – very manly movie to watch

    • Rahul said,

      Where did these toblerone lovers come from? A new breed. Where’s will smith?

  5. jen said,

    Toblerone’s definitely aren’t that great!! I could recommend better British chocolate!

    • Rahul said,

      The Brits have their own chocolate? I thought they steal everyone elses.

  6. alexa - cleveland's a plum said,

    i wish i was watching love actually while eating a toblerone – fact.

  7. alexa - cleveland's a plum said,

    oh! also, i just noticed the title, can i tell you how much i love the song london CALLING?

    • Rahul said,

      That song has nothing to do with the title.

      Fooled you.

  8. moooooog35 said,

    Ah. I remember my first time in London.

    Wait..nevermind…I’m thinking about the mall.

    • Rahul said,

      London Fog is a store at the mall. I went in. Never came back.

  9. LaFcuk said,

    I love Toblerone. They now make a Fruit & Nut kind, although I haven’t had it yet.

  10. waht do my name mean said,

    yo what is yo facebook site?

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