Huey Lewis Knows What I Mean

July 12, 2010 at 11:32 am (Uncategorized) (, , )

I try to be a well-rounded person. This becomes difficult on most days during the week when there’s some kind of reality TV show marathon on that I must watch for “research purposes.” I like going to parties and being able to conform to any kind of conversation. Economy Crisis? “Damn, those commies in congress!” Subprime Mortgage issues? “Damn those commies in the Banking sector!” The Super Bowl? “Damn those commie referees ruining my joyous occasion of watching men in tight pants grope each other for 3 hours in the least sexual way possible!”

Commies get a bad rap.

One time this girl I dated saw me work a room at a party like it was a political mixer. I was popping in and out of conversations like I was Michael Dukakis in ‘88 talking to the Democratic fundraisers that realized they had wasted millions of dollars on a No Talent Ass Clown. It was epic. As we were leaving the party she turned and looked at me and said, “Let’s do it.” Ok, I made that up, what she said was, “Wow, I didn’t know you know a lot of random stuff. It’s like you’re the bottle cap of a Snapple bottle.” It was the highest compliment paid to me since I was called, “Urkel” at the 8th grade dance.

Please form a line for autographs. Don’t fret my pet.

The next week as she was dumping me, I shouted, “Snapple bottle, remember?!!?” Unfortunately, she took this as a request for something kinky in the bedroom and proceeded to call the police. Police aren’t going to stop your perverted mind woman! In fact, Sting will just add to it. Anyways, the desire to know little mini facts about a lot of topics led me to the writing of one Chuck Klosterman. Saying someone is the best writer out there is like saying the girl walking down Sunset Boulevard has had the most plastic surgery you’ve seen. It’s impossible to tell and everyone has their own tastes and botched nose job surgeries to account for. The reason I like Klosterman is that he IS the guy that a party can tell you something about anything. He is a pop culture enthusiast with a side of book smarts. Maybe you won’t like his writing or the philosophies he portrays, but he knows facts that can relate to much of anything, whereas, I am saying at parties…

“Lo”, from The Hills, is short for Lauren.

FACT-SPLOSION

After clearing out the room with that mind bending piece of trivia, I walk away silently, into that dark night. Saw that line in a poem once. Well, I don’t read poems, but I can imagine it would have been in one since poems are always dark and brooding not unlike a My Chemical romance song from 2007. Klosterman’s essays are always about a variety of topics. The Real World, Basketball, Cereal, Kurt Cobain, David Koresh, The Sims, AC/DC, Chicken McNuggets, whatever it is it’s about something that I (Me. Myself.) find interesting. But when I try to turn people on to Klosterman they go through the essays and some people will inevitably say, “Ugh, he writes about sports?!?! I’ll just skip those.”

What’s wrong with sports? Sports are one of those topics that have become a buzz word with people in the pop culture world. Bring up something with sports and some people run away like you just gave them Cooties. Little do they know that I got a cootie shot in 4th grade. Now, who’s the fool?

There’s nothing wrong with liking sports, yet tell a stranger that doesn’t like sports that you do like sports and you are looked at like some kind of loony person. Tell a person that doesn’t like art that you like art and you get an inquisitive glance. Of course, there are extremes with anything. There are movie fanatics that wait in line for 6 hours to see Star Wars. There are music fanatics that have been to 100 Grateful Dead shows. There are sports fanatics that watch every second of every game of their favorite team. The problem is that if you meet someone and they bring up sports they already been type casted as this person that paints their face and yells at the TV when games are on.

Sit down Mom!

I’m not telling people to run out and watch a game, but if someone says they like sports, guess what, they might like other things. Like the opera! Ok, maybe not the opera, but art shows, pottery, or something else that can be construed as well-rounded. You may not like sports, but the person that you’re talking to that does isn’t going to whip out a LA Lakers credit card and have Dallas Cowboy underwear. Give the sports fans a chance, not all of them get drunk and flip off people when their teams lose.

Damn Commies ruining sports again.

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6 Comments

  1. Marie said,

    People like opera? Who?

    I bet you the commies do.

  2. allthewine said,

    i like sports!

    it’s literally the ONLY interest I have. I run a commie nation that’s sports based. We have brackets to decide the ruler.

    • Rahul said,

      Commie sports. Everyone must share all equipment. Could get dicey with the jockstraps.

  3. laurenne said,

    Oh that reminds me! You emailed me a link to Klosterman before. Never read it.
    Was going to but I saw he writes about sports.

    • Rahul said,

      You don’t read anything i send you. We should probably make sure you’re not really a man.

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