Boy Scout Honor. Spoiler Alert. I Was Never a Boy Scout.

November 11, 2010 at 12:31 pm (Uncategorized)


I lie.

That may not be an earth shattering statement since I would wager around 94 percent of Americans do lie and the other 6 percent are babies that can’t talk yet to form sentences to lie. Most of us lie in order to get us ahead, make us seem more popular, or fudge the facts so we don’t yelled at by our significant others for coming home with glitter on our faces at 3 AM.

“No, honey, strip club?!? STRIP CLUB?!? HOW DARE YOU! It was raining from the heavens. God wants to keep us shiny. I spoke to HIM. Hallelujah and Amen. PS. Didn’t leave the toilet seat up. Also God.”

In this job I have I tend to stretch the truth or make things seem not as they are. Why? Because we’re in big business and big business takes a backseat to no business so just mind your own business cause it’s Business Time. Business Time. They aren’t huge lies and in no way will alter the state of the universe, but they are lies none the less. It’s something I’ve gotten accustomed to since I started doing this and something that you become good at over time. Just like practicing making that cranberry sauce over and over again for Thanksgiving so you get it right, lying takes a certain je ne sais quoi.
French makes everything more sophisticated.

Garcon! To the Peugeot! Snap.

And while I’ve gotten comfortable lying about business and other dealings with large conglomerates, over the recent months I’ve become disenchanted with telling white lies especially personally. Maybe it was the months flipping by until I turned 30 or more likely it was my dad’s heart attack which scared me into thinking that it’s ok to be honest with everyone. You never know when you’ll lose the chance to tell someone your honest feelings. (Disclaimer – I am not responsible if you tell Martha in HR that you hate her beehive hairdo and loads of Angel perfume in the morning and your subsequent firing. Let’s pick our battles people. Marthas win. They always do. But, seriously, Martha. It’s 2010. )

So while this whole thing may seem like the beginning to some bad 80s romantic comedy starring Emilio Estevez or more likely an average 90s comedy starring Jim Carrey, telling people how you feel about them is a freeing proposition. I went through almost my entire 20s not telling anyone anything. If you did me dirty (Urban Dictionary) I would keep my mouth shut and move on because my pool of friends was at around 4 and losing 1 would put me at 3. Math. Indian. It happens. Now that I’ve adopted this new philosophy it feels a whole lot better that everyone knows what you think about them and they can then make the decision whether or not to bring your Batman Lunchbox back to your place.

The Riddler Thermos completes the look.

We have a lot of nicknames for November. We have Movember, No shave November, Remember the Embers, but may I suggest another one. Truth-ember, but not September. I admit, it is a tad wordy, but should get the point across. Let’s all be honest together. It’ll make you feel better. Guaranteed. And if it doesn’t, then let’s still be friends. See that barista at the Coffee Bean and like the way they make your latte? Tell them. Hug your roommate and thank them for paying the rent on time. Tell your mechanic you don’t like the way you always end up paying for more things than you came in for. Call your mom and tell her there was no need for her to tell your date in high school that you were having sweat issues. Let’s all be free!

Just leave Martha alone.

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18 Comments

  1. bri said,

    Okay, fine, honesty: I was impressed with the way you jump a fence, like you’re a true ghetto-rat. Also, you talked in your sleep and I wasn’t going to mention it at all, but since it’s Truth-ember you should know.

    • Rahul said,

      Man, talking in my sleep. I’m going to record myself tonight because of you. Then make a You Tube video. Then make millions! I will give you .1 percent.

  2. Jimmy said,

    I’m confused. So were you or weren’t you a boy scout? I was forced out of the boy scouts. True story.

    • Rahul said,

      Are Indians allowed to be in Boy Scouts? I was told no. Mainly because I never asked. You must have been forced out of Boy Scouts due to owning an entire Orlando Magic warmup.

  3. laurenne said,

    I’m concerned about all the lies you’ve told me before Truth-ember and about your talking in your sleep.
    I also would like to say that I stole the pants I’m wearing today and I wiped a bunch of boogers on my sleeve when nobody was looking.
    Truth.
    Indians. It happens.

    • Rahul said,

      Now don’t you feel better? Truth-ember is for everyone else. I’m on the new Chinese Calendar. 2010 is the Year of the Honestrich.

  4. Ask Alice said,

    Ok so for truth-ember I would like to confess that I hate wearing pants. Wait….what?

    • Rahul said,

      This is interesting. A pantless world would be a safer world. Think about it.

  5. Katrina said,

    <img src=http://www.americanrhetoric.com/MovieSpeeches/specialengagements/afewgoodmenjacktruth.JPG</img

    The Truth?
    You can't handle the truth.

    C'mon, you opened yourself up for that one.

    • Rahul said,

      I’m always open for business. That’s what 7-11 owners say.

  6. Marie said,

    Am I late for Truth-ember? Cause I’d like to confess a few things:

    1. I was in Girl Scouts.

    THERE, I SAID IT. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!

    • Rahul said,

      NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! You probably should have kept that to yourself.

  7. Brooke Farmer said,

    See? This is why I listen to Laurenne! Awesome post.

    One of my favorite quotes of all time is “I leave a lot out when I tell the truth.” I think that applies here.

    • Rahul said,

      I never listen to Laurenne. You are better than me.

  8. Matt said,

    Im glad November is already half-way over. Telling the truth for an entire month would blow.

    • Rahul said,

      There we go. That was the truth. Fooled you! My job is done.

  9. LiLu said,

    EMILIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    I like this. A lot. But since I’m just finding it now, I’m going to be doubly honest for the rest of November.

    This should go well. Watch out, Martha.

    • Rahul said,

      Make it triply honest. Or just drink a lot. That makes me honest.

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