The Telephone Reminds Me of Lady Gaga

May 13, 2010 at 11:53 am (Uncategorized) (annoying, phone, sinbad)

(Along with LBluca77, I will be in Vegas next week to meet some super duper fantastical bloggers. It should be a good time. If it’s not I’ll be drinking copious amounts of alcohol and yelling things like “Always bet on black”. Actually, I’ll be doing that anyways. Good Day.)

The phone is a funny little thing. Well, not funny in the haha way, but more in the funny strange kind of way. Actually, now that I think about it, it’s not funny in either way. In conclusion, the beginning of this post was a huge fail. I could go back and delete it, but that means’ having to start over again and writing something more witty (wittier? Wittiesness? Canned Laughter?) Anyways, back to the phone. In this day and age we don’t make that many phone calls anymore. We have texting, e-mail, Facebook, Twitter, and a myriad of different ways to get out of talking to anyone for any length of time. Talk to someone on the phone? ARE YOU CRAZY. I’d rather go to Fallujah with a pair of shorts on and a banjo that self played “God Bless America”.

Naked Cowboys not welcome.

Since that fateful day that Alexander Graham Bell stole the telephone idea from some poor sap that history has long since forgotten, the upgrades to the telephone have been great,. We’ve gone from Rotary to touch tone to Handheld to Cordless to Zack Morris Phone to Cellphone to Smartphone to whatever Google has put out that looks like a miniature Small Wonder. The best invention is obviously caller ID. Now we can ignore our loved ones more easily rather than pick up the phone and go “No, mom, I was not peeing outside of Stop and Shop on Friday Night. Mrs. Kragglehorn was mistaken.” Nope, that conversation will not happen because you can hit IGNORE.

Never trust eye-witness accounts.

The thing that hasn’t changed though is how people answer the phone. When you work in an office you get to see how differently everyone reacts to a phone call when you know who it is… Some say “hey, what’s going on” (personal favorite), some others say, “Hello, Bobert speaking” (standard), and yet some others say, “Oh, hello Mom, I’m doing good.” I hate that last one. Is there any reason to be saying the name of the person you’re talking to out loud? In what setting is that ever acceptable? It’s like the person is bragging that they are speaking to that person on the phone.

We get it, yo momma so cool she invented icebergs.

What?

I have yet to call someone and have them repeat my name out loud on the phone. Not one person in my life has said , “Oh, Hi Rahul, baby you’re the best, you’re the best I ever had, best I ever..” Sorry got carried away. That only means one thing. I’m not important. Only important people get their named repeated on the other end of the phone. The President, Brad Pitt, and Sinbad come to mind right away. If any of those people call you, feel free to alert anyone in the room that you’re talking to them.

Person – “Oh, Hi SINBAD (say it loudly so everyone hears), it’s great talking to you again, SINBAD.”

So its understandable if one of the greatest comedic actors of our generation calls you because you want to brag that you know someone famous, but what if it’s some random person? Why would you ever say “Hi David” or something when someone calls? No one cares that some guy named David called you. We really don’t. Just go with the tried and true “Hey,what’s going on.” We will all understand that it’s one of your cronies and/or personal escorts. Not to mention you know exactly who’s calling with this whole caller ID business going on. If someone ever repeated my name on the other end it would make me feel like a Greek God. Probably Silenus, the god of drunkeness. That guy had it good.

He invented the beer bong one night at Zeus’ crib.

Next time you’re around one of the name repeaters, ask them why they do it. What joy do they get out of doing it? It makes no sense at all. When you get those answer please tell me. I’ll be sure to jot it down.

Unless Sinbad calls.

He’s important.